Nine months

"It is like gestating grief",
in the words of someone farther down this path than I.
Yes. That is exactly what it is. Nine months, and I am birthing this grief--
It's excruciating.
And it's beautiful.

Today I played my birth playlist.
The one I never played. This was the last song.
Prophetic.
Painful.
Exquisite.

Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven
Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven