awakening

I love how conversations with a good friend can leave me understanding more about me. A bit more self aware.
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I've been in a fog the last few months and didn't know it. Well, I sort of knew, but was minimizing how affected I was. Some weeks back it became clear I was avoiding and stuffing the emotions bubbling up. Avoiding? well, it's never a good thing.

It did help me to put the grief series together. As the emails and comments came in, I began identifying specific feelings I had buried. Obviously, the gestation our twins were born and died was something I should have better prepared for this time around. But most of me didn't want to recognize the fears that come with pregnancy after loss.

Tests, ultrasounds and doctors can never give a mother in my shoes complete peace/complete knowing that everything will turn out perfectly----Well, that's a damn scary fact to come to terms with. It's one thing to accept it after losing Sheldon and Thomas. It's a whole 'nother pill to swallow once pregnant again. I'll revisit this in a future post, because it is such an important process for me, I'm sure I won't be able to leave it alone.

So thank you, friends, for continuing to listen to me fold and sort my emotional laundry. I know many other causes and people more worthy of your thoughts and prayers, but may I petition you to pray for our little family? Navigating this road is often rocky, and oh how I need guidance!

love,
emily