This too shall pass

There are days I weep for everything Morris has endured in his short time on earth. He's had very few constants. It seems nothing is unmovable. Life is ever shifting and changing. It's taking a toll on him.
I think about the developmental milestones that are delayed due to this kind of existence. I know it could be worse, yet I can't help but feel responsible. Like I should protect him from all the uncertainties. I should be doing a better job softening the blows. However, most days I feel little or no energy to do so. I love him the best that I can. Nevertheless I am imperfect. Flawed.

Yesterday Morris awoke from his nap with 105 fever. He had been running around, doing his usual gymnastics just an hour earlier.
I broke down.
This house is a disaster. I mean a real monstrosity. I couldn't find any of my homeopathics or medicines (packed away in those 500 boxes?) and Roger was working in Phoenix. I had lifted too much already and felt it would be unwise to do more.
I sat on the floor with him cradled in my arms, and cried.
I cried for him. The pain he felt. I cried that it was Sheldon's due date, and today is Thomas'. Their would-be birthdays. I cried for the grief I feel always, that Morris so often takes on. I know it is unhealthy--that he should not feel to cheer me up. He does it anyway. Somehow he swallows my grief and makes me smile. When he is sick, I sense it is a physical manifestation of internalized stress. I lament that a 2 year old would do that. That I let him do that.

I remembered to pray.

I asked to ease Morris' burden, so his little body could heal. I prayed that in all my weakness, I might be given the strength to help aid the process. I begged the Lord to make up the difference of whatever else I couldn't do.
His fever spiked higher, and things got hairy before they got better, and he is not out of the woods. Still, the Lord provides when we do all that we can. I'm grateful for this simple truth.

The Lord answers prayers.

And in case you haven't seen this yet, well, it's a good reminder that when the morning comes...
OK GO-This Too Shall Pass