Photo credit Wes JohnsonThis photo was taken 3 days before I gave birth to Morris.
It might as well be taken of me this week.
Yep. I look 9 months pregnant. I actually don't have a problem with this. Being almost 5 months pregnant with twins, one might expect the constant questions in grocery stores, banks, etc.--"Wow. Are you due soon?" If they seem a little too nosey or it's clear they think I'm a spectacle, I smile and say "Actually I'm due in March, but thank you for asking". Then let them squirm a bit. Maybe that'll teach 'em ; ) Am I bad?
Recently something else happened that struck a nerve and I can't shrug it off, though I wish I could.
Morris will be 14 months old in a couple days. The past few days he has started taking his first steps--2 last Wednesday, 3 on Sunday, 6 last night. But last week (before the walking started) I was waiting with him in a lobby and another woman with a son about the same age were waiting as well. Turns out, she is pregnant and we have the same due dates. I was making conversation about how sweet her son was, how neat that our boys will have little buddies to play with, etc. I felt a strange vibe from her. I was wracking my brain, wondering if I said something to offend her or maybe could have been misread. I didn't think so, so I concluded that maybe she was just having an off day and decided to let her be.
Her next statements caught me off guard.
"Your son seems awfully small for his age. Does that run in your family?"
Now, one doesn't automatically assume that is a slam. Maybe she just has no filter.
"No" I replied. "He is just average on the growth charts, but neither his dad nor I are especially tall, so he might end up a bit shorter, I dunno".
She observes again
"For 14 months, shouldn't he be walking already? My son started walking at 11 months. Do late walkers run in your family?"
OK. How should I have answered this question? After the fact, I thought of all kinds of zingers. Not exactly Christ-like ones, but ones I wanted to have said in the moment. Instead, I kind of stammered out something about how he is taking his time or something.
I don't get it. Why the competition? They are babies. They are gonna do stuff when they want to do it. It's not like he's going to be crawling to college or anything. I guess I get tired of the "one upping" in this stage of motherhood. Now, my friends don't do this. (If you are reading this, surely you don't.) But we all have had this happen. How do you handle it?
I've opened comments, so Please--
DO SHARE: )
Teach Morris to give "the bird". I bet her kid cant do that!
ReplyDelete:)
I don't do that but I dislike it when people thinks it's a competition. I just politely say everyone is different and I like to be surprised when they start to walk or whatever it is.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you opened comments. First of all, we miss you guys and can't wait til you move back to the ward. Okay now for the reason for my comment. People just don't think, my kids all walked at different ages, from 10 to 18 months. This woman had no business making comments, whether she meant to be rude or not. Oh and I too like Jill's idea.
ReplyDeleteI usually say something like... "well, children who walk sooner have a higher chance of learning disabilities when they are older. Good luck with that." (studies have been done that suggest kids need to spend more time in the crawling stage - parents who "force" kids into walking may actually be inhibiting brain development - see this article: http://www.internationalparentingassociation.org/BrainDevelopment/mobility1.html)
ReplyDeleteSomeone picked up Henrik the other day and said, "Wow, he's really light for his age." What does that even mean?!
Aaron
One of Morris's aunts is 5'2". I think the grandpa and greatgrandpa on one of his sides is considered shorter. Also one of his aunt's didn't walk until 14 months.
ReplyDeleteHis aunt is pretty brilliant. Maybe some are athletic and some are brilliant!
I agree with Aaron. You should see him try to drive that tractor. Who needs to walk?
OK. I knew you guys would help me feel better. I'm feelin' the love. I should open comments more often; )
ReplyDeleteYour belly is so so cute! I bet you look so cute right now! I love being pregnant!
ReplyDeleteI hate the comparisons and competition. It's so annoying and pointless. My first 2 kids walked at 9 1/2 months. My third 11 1/2 months. My fourth was 13 months. I don't think there is anything extra special about walking early. Some people are just dumb.
I love knowing other kids (especially my nieces and nephews) so I can say, "Amazing how different they all are - I had a nephew that was walking at 6 months, but didn't say a word till he was more than 2!" They just do things at their own time, just like adults! (Some adults obviously don't learn about not being rude, but maybe sometime they will get that too :)
ReplyDeleteYou should open comments more often!! I know this is an older post..but I must comment cuz I have a friend that makes some sort of critical/comparison comment EVERy time I see her...literally. I have set her straight a few times, but now I just use the comment, "CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS?" And that's all I say. She gets it. I don't need to say anything else. You could even say that to a stranger.
ReplyDelete