But here is what I know:
I am a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven.
I have a testimony that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior.
I am extremely blessed with family and friends and many luxuries I've done nothing to deserve.
Something that has been on my mind lately is how quickly I can get caught in the "thick of thin things" and distractions. Swiftly, what I once perceived to be incredibly important can take over every ounce of energy leaving me very little to serve my true purposes here on this planet. This cycle is difficult for me to brake and I recently found myself in a very dark place.
I'm working on that balance.
But it's taken getting on my knees and begging the Lord to direct my thoughts and my path. Every. Single. Day. And I still don't know that I'm out of this hole.
The spirit continues reminding me of my tendency to expect I can fill myself up with love from sources other than my Creator. I know a lot of what people say about loving yourself, giving to yourself, is along the lines of--- "Go get a pedicure", "Go get a hair cut/color" or "Go do something just for yourself", etc. While those things are nice when we need a pick me up, they are not really going to help us love others more perfectly. However, I do know that there is something to be said of giving from a full cup. If our cup is empty, how can we give? How can we serve others? Am I filling my cup with projects to validate what I see my purpose is? Or do I turn to the Lord first, the source of un-ending love to fill my cup. Do I ask how He wants me to serve and love others? Prayer, meditation, exercise and eating healthful foods ... Filling our cups in those ways is not selfish. That is necessary self-care.
Every other source of love (including family members) is imperfect and can eventually be exhausted. I'd like to think I am easy to love, and that my family and friends are lucky to have me in their lives ; )--- but the truth is, I can be exhausting to be around. I know this. And I can't expect any one person or even group of people to love me so much and so perfectly to fill my cup completely.
So.
I need to turn to the Lord more.
Drop
by
drop.
I am extremely blessed with family and friends and many luxuries I've done nothing to deserve.
Something that has been on my mind lately is how quickly I can get caught in the "thick of thin things" and distractions. Swiftly, what I once perceived to be incredibly important can take over every ounce of energy leaving me very little to serve my true purposes here on this planet. This cycle is difficult for me to brake and I recently found myself in a very dark place.
I'm working on that balance.
But it's taken getting on my knees and begging the Lord to direct my thoughts and my path. Every. Single. Day. And I still don't know that I'm out of this hole.
The spirit continues reminding me of my tendency to expect I can fill myself up with love from sources other than my Creator. I know a lot of what people say about loving yourself, giving to yourself, is along the lines of--- "Go get a pedicure", "Go get a hair cut/color" or "Go do something just for yourself", etc. While those things are nice when we need a pick me up, they are not really going to help us love others more perfectly. However, I do know that there is something to be said of giving from a full cup. If our cup is empty, how can we give? How can we serve others? Am I filling my cup with projects to validate what I see my purpose is? Or do I turn to the Lord first, the source of un-ending love to fill my cup. Do I ask how He wants me to serve and love others? Prayer, meditation, exercise and eating healthful foods ... Filling our cups in those ways is not selfish. That is necessary self-care.
Every other source of love (including family members) is imperfect and can eventually be exhausted. I'd like to think I am easy to love, and that my family and friends are lucky to have me in their lives ; )--- but the truth is, I can be exhausting to be around. I know this. And I can't expect any one person or even group of people to love me so much and so perfectly to fill my cup completely.
So.
I need to turn to the Lord more.
Drop
by
drop.
I feel your pain Em. The darkness has had a hold on me lately too, but I have a 'break in the clouds' every now and then, and I know the light will come back eventually. Hang in there. Christmas is coming. That's gotta be good for a few happy moments. My prayers and thoughts are with you. And I miss your beautiful posts.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. Taking care of ourselves superficially is fine, and great, and needs to be done, but it can't fix what is underneath. You sound like you're on the right track, and I look forward to hearing about the journey when you're ready to share it.
ReplyDeletei sure love you ladies... odd that it feels i quite know you both, and yet never met you in person. Funny, this blog land is.
ReplyDeleteEm, I appreciate your thoughts. Hang in there. : )
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. I needed to hear it. I almost feel like i could have written this about myself. I need to turn to the Lord more too to fill my cup, because nothing else seems to be working. Thank you...
ReplyDelete